The big day!

Today is the day!  Today is the day we have been waiting for since we found out we were pregnant in week 5.  Today is the day we find out the gender...or not as it turns out.

We have known since well before we even started trying for a baby that we wanted to know the sex when it came to the 20 week scan. 

We got to the hospital, just about on time, and found our way to the ultrasound room - the nice air conditioned ultrasound room (it was 24 degrees C outside).  After about 20 minutes of prodding the nurse declared that she had everything she needed and that as she had been saying all along, the baby is sitting on its bum and therefore is not allowing us to see if it's a boy or girl.

Initially Annie and I were incredibly disappointed that we couldn't tell what sex the baby was and were contemplating where we could find eighty-odd quid for a private gender scan.  I quickly came to the realisation thought, that I had been looking forward to the wrong thing.  All this time I had been thinking about going for our gender scan, whereas what I should have been looking forward to was an anomaly scan; and that's exactly what we got.  The results of our anomaly scan were all normal and perfectly healthy - although as it turns out also with quite a big head.

However we were still feeling a little deflated, but went to meet with my Mum and Nan in Tenterden.  We had a bit of a talk and a soft drink.  In a rather expensive baby shop my Mum bought us our first cuddly for the baby and my Nan bought us a lovely romper suit with green animals on it.  It was nice to get some good unisex clothes and certainly helped alleviate our disappointment.

By the early evening we had come around to idea of not knowing what sex we are having.  Apart from anything it means that we won't get loads of pink or blue clothes (a bit of a crusade that we're on :P) but hopefully more like the ones we have already.  It has also reaffirmed that we are happy to have a boy or a girl and that we are happy with our name choices - we will either have Vega Rose Swift or Adrian Frances Reginald Swift - I think that using my Grandparent's middle names in our child's means quite a lot to them.  

 

As well as the goings on today, it is also very nearly the half way point.  To think that we are 20 weeks into the pregnancy is very exciting (as well as a little scary).  As the time is flying by, we are starting to think more about when the REALLY BIG DAY arrives.  Annie is very passionate about having a water-birth and avoiding an epidural - which I am right behind.  Unfortunately the maternity led unit, the place that does the water births around here is under renovation and so we've got our fingers crossed that it will reopen in time, but Annie will talk it over with the midwife Thursday.

Annie is starting to pop out now and is looking particularly gorgeous and radiant, which happily coincides with the sunshine and bright summer clothes, and I finally got my compost bin (strangely happy with that) and Stephen finally got kicked off of The Apprentice, so all in all it has been a pretty happy week.

Self improvement

The first piece of self improvement this week, that I am particularly proud of, is that Annie and I managed to clean and tidy the spare/baby room.  Four bin bags of rubbish removed is quite an achievement for a couple of terrible hoarders.  I must admit to feeling a certain amount of "nesting" urges myself, if only it weren't so difficult.

I've also started worrying more about things I hadn't thought that much of before.  We've started buying our vegetables from a local organic supplier, meaning that veg has travelled no farther than 30 miles or so and there's not been any nasty chemicals spread about the place (They do a blog http://kentvegbox.wordpress.com/author/kentvegbox/ which is mostly about the food in the boxes but also about food standards in general).  I've also developed a slight composting obsession, although until I can afford a nice big compost bin for the garden as the small bucket is already full.  I would like to aim to only dispose of one bag of rubbish a week.  I am determined to reduce our families costs and environmental impact and it's always nice to learn some new way of helping.

Despite my best efforts to curb my slightly judgemental nature, there are just too many strong opinions that I can't get over.  I've always been firmly of the view that people, by and large, are entitled to think, speak and do whatever they please, but I can't help just feeling they're wrong.  While I'm aware that the pressures of parenthood may mean that certain ideals may be compromised, but I am fairly determined to start off on the right foot.

Talking of improvement it would appear that the Lib-Dems have finally done something of some use, which makes a nice change.  While it might be difficult for companies to deal with, at least initially, it is a step towards giving parents better options and equality.

I have worried from the start of the pregnancy that the amount of time I spend travelling to/from and at work each day might be hard for me and the baby.  However, drawing from my childhood experiences I can hope that it's not so bad for the baby.  My mum used to leave the house at 6 and get back at 8 and I know it was hard for her, so I know I can expect that, but I also know that it was good for me.  I think it is good for kids to have a parent looking after them at an early age, rather than be in a nursery at 6 months.  In my childhood experience it also helped to reinforce my relationship with my mum as time together was important and truly treasured.  Therefore I hope that with a lot of love and by making the effort to be a good dad when I am at home, it is a bond that I can replicate with my child.

The time for our next scan is moving ever closer and the tension is mounting.  I am starting to come round to Annie's point of view that it is a girl...time will tell.  Either way I am looking forward to the day when this blog is all about how excited I am that our little boy/girl did its first sneeze, yawn, giggle etc.

"Papa's got a brand new bag"

To follow on from last week's post, Annie has more or less finished her bag project.

  

From left-right (Front, inside, back).  The only thing that really needs sorting now, is a shoulder strap, but that's not too urgent given that we're 5 months off of needing to use it.  I was immensely impressed with how good a job Annie did and I think it looks good too (manly enough that I can take it around as well).  Unfortunately this did lead to some interest from other mums in Annie's "Due in October" group, which Annie was quick to snuff out as it really is a lot of bother and would require a hefty charge, given that the fabric isn't cheap and it wasn't easy to do.


We recently found out that a couple we know are pregnant, which they have been keeping under their hats.  They have told all their close family and friends but when asked why they didn't want to announce anything on Facebook, they said that they wanted it all to be personal.  It got me thinking about different peoples' attitude towards the publicity of their baby and pregnancy.  Annie has obviously thought about this as well and conducted a brief survey in the group that she belongs to.

As is logical, I suppose, it seems that for every person who wants to Tweet their scan picture as soon as they get it, there's one who thinks that is too personal.  For every person who wants to tell the world everything, there's another who would rather keep it all between themselves and immediate family.  Obviously Annie and I have been vocal about our experiences from as soon as we found out, and not that there's a right and wrong way to do things, but it seems to work for us personally.

In my opinion it is a fantastic outlet for pregnant couples to be outspoken about their pregnancy.  I know that in Annie's group there are a lot of shared experiences, ranging from physical symptoms, to emotional problems, to marital problems and to other issues that are not always too savoury.  Pregnancy is undoubtedly a strange and stressful time and to share these experiences is not only helpful but can be fun as well.

In typical fashion though it is the female gender that is much better at communicating these thoughts and feelings and the men are left to be quiet and cagey about everything.  This is one of the main reasons that I like to do this blog.  I've never been particularly good at gathering and sorting my thoughts, but to sit down and try and write about a topic or event is helpful in processing all the information, and quite therapeutic.  Still I can't help but feel like the same sort of attitude that the pregnant ladies in Annie's group show would be helpful if it were more present in a large group of men.  It is always fantastic to talk things over with your partner, and we talk about a lot of baby related stuff, but it is also nice to find common ground with other people in your position.  Besides, I think that as well as benefiting the expectant fathers, the mothers like it when their partner shows that amount of interest in the pregnancy - A man joined one of the cloth nappy groups on Facebook recently and there were mothers cooing and swooning all over the place, so if nothing else, men should think of it that way.  For the time being I'll have to settle for being nosey about what's going in the mum's group.

Strange week.

It's been a little over a week since I last did a post.  Unfortunately I was feeling rather ill on Monday night and Tuesday so I took Tuesday off.  Then on Wednesday I still felt ill but had a tight chest and decided it as best not to go to work then either.  On Thursday it was Annie's next midwife appointment.  Despite the pain in my chest getting worse I decided I'd like to go along to hear the heartbeat.

It was lovely to hear the heartbeat for myself, as I've only heard it on video before.  It was really strong and sounded a lot like a horse trot and was impressively loud.  Unfortunately I could enjoy it fully as the pain in my chest was really bad and I had started to get a nerve pain in my arm.  I'm not one for worrying about my health but even I have to concede that that combination of symptoms is usually something pretty bad.

When we returned home, the first thing I did was check on the NHS website about what could be going on, and after a few questions it suggested in no uncertain terms that I should call an ambulance.  I would always be wary of calling an ambulance unnecessarily as I know they get their time wasted a lot, but I thought better of driving myself to A&E.  As we live about 10 minutes from the hospital, they were here in a jiffy.  It was their opinion based on the fact that I didn't look too bad that I was another young man that was paranoid about his heart, after recent tragic events, but they said they'd hook me up to the ECG machine and take my blood pressure anyway.

The paramedics pulled out a pack of those little sticky pads you always see on people on TV and stuck those to my chest and ankles, then they put a blood pressure cuff around my arm, told me to stand up and turned it on.  At this point I felt as close to passing out as I ever have and started getting light headed, feel sick and started to cold-sweat and go green.  They sat me back down, performed the ECG.

"Well, well, well, well" said one of the Paramedics.  "He's alright then?" Annie asked.  "No, definitely not!" was the reply.  They suspected I had an infection of the heart muscle and that it was causing it to beat softly, leading to low blood pressure, meaning that when I stood up with a cuff on my arm and 3 people crowded round me, I would feel like passing out.  So they fetched a chair from the Ambulance and took me off.

Anyway to cut a long story short, the Paramedic was right and that was exactly what was wrong with me, I had/have Pericarditis, which Annie pointed out was almost named after me (a joke relayed via the Paramedic to the A&E nurse;she didn't find it amusing).  The long and short of it is, lots of little sticky pads and graphs of my heartbeat, lots of blood pressure tests, some Ibuprophen for the inflammation and a week off work.

Other than that, it's not been a bad week, the electrician came round while I was feeling terrible and proceeded to tell us what an absolute death trap our house was, due to what looked like some DIY electrics from the previous owners, so that's all been put right.  We've also had a little time for some more baby shopping.  Baby-shopping desire is definitely in full flow now, as you can see by the picture on the right, we already have:

Baby purchases so far.

• Changing table
• Moses basket
• Blankets
• Plenty of clothes
• Some bottles (they were a very good price)
• Plenty of cloth nappies
• A host of other more boring things like disposable nappies, wipes etc.

Having said that, we have managed to do most of these things for little money, the changing table was a fiver on ebay, the Moses basket was a fiver from the charity shop, the nappies were various prices second hand (thanks to the cloth nappy pages on Facebook) and the clothes have either been supermarket, sale or charity shop (got some cute dungarees, every child needs them).

Annie starting work on her changing bag project.

As well as this, Annie is taking up a project to make us a changing bag.  She decided that what's on the market is either overpriced or simply not good enough.  This is especially the case if you use cloth nappies as they take up a lot more space than your Pampers/Huggies.  So far she is doing well, and is certainly impressing herself with her lovely straight seams.

All in all it's been a real mixture of lovely baby-based news/activity and lots of illness and stress, which is hopefully all done now.  We now have just over 3 weeks to wait for the next scan, which Annie is awaiting with great patience.  We are fairly sure of the names we would pick for a boy and a girl now (although I am sworn to secrecy), but you can never tell whether they'll change.  At the moment all that's required is a little bit more patience.

The name game.

As baby fever gathers momentum, we've started to think about names.  Annie is part of a group, on Facebook, that is for people due to give birth in October 2012.  This is a common topic on there and has clear unwritten rules whereby prospective mothers don't actually divulge their true feelings towards each other's suggestions.  I think the purpose of this is so that you don't offend someone else's choices and in turn they won't make derogatory comments about your suggestions either.

Anyway, while we realise it's unlikely we'll decide on a name now and actually go all the way to birth with that name, it is nevertheless fun to have a think about it and get an idea of the sort of common ground that you share  in the naming arena.

I'm convinced that one of the biggest decisions you make in life is the naming of your child(ren).  It is something that sticks with them forever, it has an effect on how they and others view you and your child and most importantly they've got to like it when they're older.  It's good if it's not too common, but not so obscure that it's annoying (no-one likes the names of celebrity kids, do they?), it's probably nice if it can have a meaning that is also nice, and quite importantly it shouldn't remind you of someone unpleasant (you couldn't, for example, call your child Adolf - I'm aware he was more than unpleasant, but it makes a point).  It's also an added bonus if the name can be shortened (I know I often wanted a nickname when I was a kid and the best I ever got was Pezza, Pez or Pel.  Disappointing I think you'll agree, and I was never going to get a character name like "Tiny" as I'm not tall enough).  Another bonus is if you can pick a name that will suit a baby and will also will suit an adult.

Our main problem seems to be picking a name that isn't too upper or middle class (which we're not particularly) but I find it very difficult to think of many I like that aren't.  Another is that we'd rather not have a very Christian name (Stephen, David, Jesus etc.) as we're not religious and apart from anything it seems a little unfair on those that are.  Annie seems to find it harder to think of boys' names than girls' - which she has a lot of ideas for.

While not exactly a short list, we have had a few ideas, that Annie has written down in her pregnancy diary book.  Amongst others, for a girl: Zoë (I like this one because I think it's exotic and fun to have an umlaut in your name, Ivy (which I like because it's Earthy and not too common) and Katie (which I think just has a nice sound).  A few of the boy name ideas are: Oscar (maybe a bit posh), Hugo (one I liked but Annie went off) and Adrian (quite easily shortened to Ade.  We thought this might lead to people thinking of Ade Edmonson, but then thought that by the time the child is old enough to go to school few people would make such a connection).  One which was rather unfortunately ruled out was Robin (Robin Swift is just silly).

One area where you can be a little more expressive is middle names, as these are barely used.  I am still unsure as to whether to use the fact that my middle names are Francis Roland as reason to be kinder to my child or whether to exact vengeance by giving them a middle name (or names) that will be equally hilarious when read out at school.  I think I will avoid temptation and be lenient.  Middle names also seem a good opportunity to add a family name or two in there.  If we are to follow this route we have choices of: John, Colin and Raine from Annie's side of the family for a boy; Christopher, David, Francis and Reginald from mine.  If it is a girl, Marie, Florence and Jane on Annie's side; Sheila, Rose, Anne and Frances (again) on my side.

As you can see from this rambley entry, as per usual, it is definitely a minefield and not a task to be undertaken lightly.  I can only hope that we see our baby and a name immediately springs to mind, but for the moment while it is still in utero, Pip will do.

Giving in.

It's been a little over a week since the last post, but seems like forever.  I (or we) seem to be in a weird sort of time zone where days or weeks seem to go slow but then in retrospect everything is going really fast and we're up to the 14 week point tomorrow.  It's very strange.

As I said on my previous post we decided that that was the point we could buy our first baby thing.  Our intention has been to slowly add to the things that we need and want over the course of the pregnancy.  It turns out that we decided and what we actually do are slightly different.  My Mum came to stay with us this week (which she likes to do when she can) and which can sometimes result in her and Annie going to do a little shopping.

On this particular occasion they went to the Ashford Outlet - "offering designer labels at discount prices" - and as it turns out my Mum is also holding back a desire to purchase baby stuff.  So after I nipped out on my lunch break to go and see 'The Scream' (probably my favourite painting) I gave Annie a call and she excitedly told me about the baby things they purchased.  As you can see they made a few purchases; two rather natty baby grows from Petit Bateau (still eye-wateringly expensive despite it being an outlet) and a Moses basket from the local charity                                                                                                                                                                                                           shop at the cheap-as-chips price of a fiver, which means all we need to get is a rocking stand, a good mattress and some different blankets.

This spurred Annie and I on to go and look around the shops some more.  The main drawback of getting baby shopping urges at this early stage is the fact that you don't know the sex.  So as lovely and tempting as the clothes may be and no matter how good a bargain something might be, you can't really get the things that you want.  I can only imagine how much time we're going to spend hunting for baby clothes after the twenty week scan (which is scheduled for 25th May, by the way).

As Annie is starting to feel a little more comfortable in terms of sickness now, she let me take a photo (she looks more gorgeous with each passing day to me - she refuses to accept it), which was taken today at 13 weeks 6 days (I'm going to round that up to 14 weeks).  She's been confidently claiming that if she gets a little bit of a belly at the end of the day after a large meal, it's gone again the next morning.  She made such a declaration when my Mum kindly took us out for a slap up meal at a fantastic gastro-pub, called The Wheel near Ashford.  However the bump had not gone down significantly by the next day...or the one after that.  It seems that it's getting to the sort of time when she's going to start showing a real bump, real fast.  Another thing that you might pick up from the picture is an insatiable desire for Fruit Pastille lollies, which are one of the few things that are consistently good at keeping out nausea.



We sat down last night to watch the controversial pilot episode of the "comedy" programme Derek, which we decided wasn't offensive in the slightest, but should definitely contain a warning message to pregnant ladies as it left Annie in fits of tears (it made me cry a bit as well, but Annie's not allowed to see that).

For my part it's been a particularly busy and stressful week at work.  As well as this I am trying to push myself to study for the dreaded CIMA exams I'm going to take in June, which is also very stressful and a bit of a struggle, both in terms of content and motivation.  However, I've got a fantastic stress management tool in Annie and the baby.  I only have to think of them and it instantly calms me down and I remember just how lucky and happy I am at everything that's going on in my life.  I might not enjoy all the work but everything else is going just as I hoped it would, I can't wait to meet the baby and I can't wait to be a Dad.

First trimester down.

Today was one of the biggest days of the pregnancy so far, the dating scan.  Luckily we found out that the first date we were given was bang-on.  This means we are 12 weeks and 4 days now and due on the 14th of October (10 days before my birthday), but I'll come back to the scan.

It's been a big week overall, on Monday we took delivery of the tumble dryer (courtesy of the mother-in-law).  Sad as it may be, this was a very exciting event and one which was a vital step in preparing to be the laundrette for babies that we are due to become mid-October.

Anyway today was the big day, we had been looking forward to for weeks.  We made sure to turn up at the hospital 10 minutes early, as instructed, and mazed our way around the hospital until we reached the ultrasound department.  We were a little alarmed that it was so busy, but much to the dismay of the waiting throng we got called in, just after I got told off for trying to snoop at people's personal details (when in actual fact I was merely interested in the nice thank you cards that people had sent to the maternity unit, that were displayed on the wall).

Baby pulling the classic "nicky-nicky-na-na" pose.
We think it might have been aimed at the radiographer.

The radiologist (I hope that's the right nomenclature) promptly sat Annie on the bed and I took a seat of my own.  So the nurse squirts the nice cold gel on Annie's belly and sets about the scan.  She promptly finds the baby, just chilling...upside down.  She kindly informed us that this is normal and the baby looks very healthy but that it needs to be horizontal or at very least vertical in the normal position in order to measure the neck for the Downs Syndrome test.

We were informed that if the baby didn't wake up and move into the correct position quick smart that we would need another appointment to get the test done.  Luckily the nurse was very patient and there are a number of techniques that can encourage the baby to move around.  The first was a nice little dance, the nurse tried again, the baby didn't move.  The second was to empty the bladder, the nurse tried again, the baby didn't move.  The third was to pop off and get a coffee, the nurse tried again, the baby didn't move.  When I say didn't move, I mean didn't move into position, the baby did wriggle.

The baby shortly before "cap-sizing" into headstand position.

Eventually after one particularly energetic jig the baby moved into a horizontal position, balancing on an 'A' shape in the uterus.  This was the opportunity to get the required measurement and just before she could get the image and do so, the baby did a sort of repeated kangaroo-kick motion and powered itself back into the upside-down position.  We thought we had it once again when the baby was coaxed into moving around, only to tilt backwards in a move that resembled the sinking of The Titanic and ended up upside-down again.

Anyway to cut a long story short the persistent nurse eventually got the required measurement and told us it was very good.  The next step was the dreaded blood test.  Annie dealt with it in her stride and the nurse administering the blood test was much chattier than the last one, which made the process a little easier.  Unfortunately she was only able to drain a piddly amount of blood but it turned out to be just enough.

It was really magical to see such a perfectly formed tiny little person in there.  It was amazing to see its little hand waving at us and its nose (which is already looking like mine - a bit worrying) and tiny feet.  Being on a little bit of a baby high we trekked off to further research prams at Babies R' Us.  There were quite a few prams to get hands-on with, most of which were completely terrible, however we did really like the B-Smart 3.  We also bought our first baby item (admittedly we couldn't wait until after the scan and made the purchase last weekend).  It's a gorgeous little Very Hungry Caterpillar jacket, which was on sale in Sainsbury's.

All-in-all there's been a lot of excitement, and of course there's much more to look forward to.